Financial Stress

So, I've been very worried about finances lately but it really hit me how broke we are today. I had myself an actual crying meltdown. Luckily my husband had just come home from school and took over with the kids so I could sob in private. Why is it after a good long cry I feel exhausted. Seriously, I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open. There were lots of other little things getting to me but when I saw the bank balance today, I lost it. I know we are not the only struggling family but it's still a huge problem for us.

I run a licensed daycare in my home. For the most part we have had ups and downs with kids coming and going but this has been the toughest financial dry spell we've had. Currently there are 3 kids coming full time but we need 5 to stay afloat (I'm licensed to watch 8). Jason goes to school full time and works nights part time. I have the daycare and go to school in the evenings. I also sell Avon, DoTerra, and sew for a local boutique. My Avon and DoTerra sales are virtually nil and the sewing isn't steady. I am at a loss as to what else to do with the little free time I have left in a week. My husband suggested he quit school to go back to working full time. That was sweet but he is so close to finishing college, just a year and a half left. I have not gone through supporting our family this long while he's at school only to have him quit so near the end. I told him I would leave him if he did that...and I meant it.

I started going to Marinello's School of Beauty this past May. I will be finished by the end of next summer. At the moment that seems so far away. I am studying to be an Esthetician. I prayed a lot about going back to school and I felt spiritually shoved in this direction of education. I am loving school and all that I am learning. For me it has been a delight. I am hoping it will lead to a steady income once I have graduated.

In the mean time, what now? I am going to distribute more flyers in local stores and even branch out to schools and may even go door to door.

All I ask for in the way of help are your prayers.

An Uplifting Story

This was sent to me in an email. I couldn't help but get teary and feel uplifted while reading this story:

This is an excerpt from A Place of Knowing by Emma Lou Thayne

Many years into my adulthood, when asked by a Jewish poet friend why I stay in my Mormonism, I explained it with a story, the details recounted by my mother. It is my mother’s story transposed into an allegory about my believing.
When I was a little girl, my father took me to hear Helen Keller in the Tabernacle. I must have been about eight or nine and I’d read about Helen Keller in school, and my mother had told me her story.
I remember sitting in the balcony at the back of that huge domed building that was supposed to have the best acoustics in the world. Helen—everybody called her that—walked in from behind a curtain under the choir seats with her teacher, Annie Sullivan. Helen spoke at the pulpit—without a microphone—but we could hear perfectly, her guttural, slow, heavily pronounced speech. She spoke about her life and her beliefs. Her eyes were closed and when it came time for questions from the audience, she put her fingers on her teacher’s lips and then repeated for us what the question had been. She answered
questions about being deaf and blind and learning to read and to type and, of course, to talk. Hearing that voice making words was like hearing words for the first time, as if language had only come into being—into my being at least—that moment.
Someone asked her, “Do you feel colors?”
I’ll never forget her answer, the exact sound of it—“Some-times
. .. . I feel . . . blue.” Her voice went up slightly at the end, which
meant she was smiling. The audience didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
After quite a lot of questions, she said, “I would . . .. like to ask . . . a fa-vor of you.” Of course, the audience was all alert. “Is your Mormon prophet here?” she asked. There was a flurry of getting up from the front row, and President Grant walked up the stairs to the stand. She reached out her hand and he took it. All I could think was, “Oh, I wish I were taking pictures of that.”
“I . . . would like . . . ,” she said, “to hear your organ . . . play .. . your fa-mous song—about your pio-neers. I . . . would like . . . to re-mem-ber hear-ing it here.” All the time she was speaking she was holding his hand he had given her to shake. I liked them together, very much.
I remember thinking, “I am only a little girl (probably others know) but how in the world will she hear the organ?” But she turned toward President Grant and he motioned to Alexander Schreiner, the Tabernacle organist who was sitting near the loft. At the same time, President Grant led her up a few steps to the back of the enormous organ—with its five manuals and eight thousand pipes. We were all spellbound. He placed her hand on the grained oak of the console, and she stood all alone facing us in her long, black velvet dress with her right arm extended, leaning slightly forward and touching the organ, with her head bowed.
Brother Schreiner played “Come, Come, Ye Saints,” each verse a different arrangement, the organ pealing and throbbing—the bass pedals like foghorns—as only he could make happen. Helen Keller stood there—hearing through her hand and sobbing.
Probably a lot more than just me—probably lots of us in the audience were mouthing the words to ourselves—
“Gird up your loins; fresh courage take. / Our God will never us forsake; / And soon we’ll have this tale to tell— / All is well! / All is well!” I could see my great-grandparents, converts from England, Wales, France, and Denmark, in that circle of their covered wagons, singing over their fires in the cold nights crossing the plains. Three of them had babies die; my great-grandmother was buried in Wyoming.
“And should we die before our journey’s through, / Happy day! / All is well! / We then are free from toil and sorrow, too; / With the just we shall dwell! / But
if our lives are spared again / To see the Saints their rest obtain, / Oh, how we’ll make this chorus swell— / All is well! / All is well!”
So then—that tabernacle, that singing, my ancestors welling in me, my father beside me, that magnificent woman, all combined with the organ and the man who played it and the man who had led her to it—whatever passed between the organ and her passed on to me.
I believed. I believed it all—the seeing without seeing, the hearing without hearing, the going by feel toward something holy, something that could make her cry, something that could move me, alter me, something as unexplainable as a vision or a mystic connection, something entering the pulse of a little girl, something that no matter what would never go away. What it had to do with Joseph Smith or his vision or his gospel I never would really understand—all I know to this day is that I believe.

Emma Lou Thayne wrote Hymn # 129, Where Can I Turn for Peace ...

4th of July Nostalgia

I love the fun of the 4th of July celebrating our nation's birth and patriotism. This year though was more of a celebration of lives lived and an end to a beloved family tradition -

watching fireworks at Grandma-Great's. My husband's grandparents bought a sweet little home in 1953. Just beyond their back fence is a lovely park where their city's fireworks show is every year. I regret we didn't get to go every year but Jason and I went many times since we've been together.

There have been many 'first time without grandma' going on since she passed away a few months ago and for me this one was a bit more difficult. I was fine when we got there but Jason gave me a tour of the yard he practically grew up in, relating to me the stories of what happened and where. I realized that it was the last time he'd likely have to be there doing this. It was a play-land of happy memories. Nearly every nook and cranny had a story. It made me think of all the kids that grew up there with their own stories too (his mother and all her siblings). It was a true family home and sometime next year it will likely be sold and be given a breath of new life with someone else's family.

I took a picture of each site (I will only post a few) Jason related a story about. I won't go into any major detail because they are his stories to tell. My favorite though was the burial ground of his very well loved stuffed animal, Snoopy, he had named Dog. He loved it so well nearly all the beads had fallen out and it had become quite raggedy. It was time to let Dog rest in peace so they buried him in the back yard. Jason thinks he may have been about 5 years old at the time. So sweet.

The fireworks show was great. Rachel had a grand time playing with some cousins but when we asked her to sit and watch the fireworks, her response was, "I had enough of fireworks. I want to play now." My kid cracks me up.

In all that went on, my favorite part of this 4th of July was spending time with my husband, hearing all the stories of his childhood. Time moves on, things change, but we will always have our memories.

The Book Of Mormon

I haven't always been an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I was proud and selfish, into doing my own thing and trying more worldly ways. Granted the world has some ways that are fun but always left me feeling hollow and a bit lost by the end of the day. I began to feel my spirit was a great chasm of darkness. I felt lost.

Oddly enough, through this lonely road of exploration, I always felt there was a God, he loved me, and I continued to pray daily to Him. I felt His Spirit here and there. Then one day, I couldn't feel His presence in my life at all. I knew I had hit rock bottom. I wasn't wild (i.e. into drugs or drinking or those types of things). I just was into what I wanted not what He did. I felt the loss of Him in my life so poignantly, it made me ache inside. The loss of the Spirit is a place I never, ever plan to let myself be again.

At that point, in tears, I turned to a local Institute teacher for guidance. He gave me the advice to go have a talk with my Bishop to receive the guidance and instruction needed to get my life, my heart, and my spirit in tune with the Lord. I followed his wise advice and began a process of repentance I have never regretted.

My bishop asked me to follow all the pat sunday school answers: read the scriptures, sincerely pray through out each day, make friends with those that share the values I aspired to live, read good books, attend church meetings, etc. I had a hard time with the going to church thing because I felt so different from everyone there. So I started with reading the scriptures. I had never read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover before. I began reading a verse a day and then felt like my spirit was starving for what was within the pages of the Book of Mormon. I then not just feasted, but devoured the words. I let them sink into my mind and envelop my aching soul. The words within its pages, the stories, the guidance and insight were a balm to my broken and contrite spirit. I found healing and a new found respect for myself. I began reading it aloud with my grandmother so I could share this new found joy with someone I loved. We fell in love with the Book of Mormon together. I cherish those precious days with my Nonna. I may have already been a member of the church but I was finally a convert. My Nonna also become one but in the more literal sense and was baptized at the age of 71. I also began to study the New Testament and became more familiar with our Savior's teachings in both the Book of Mormon and the Bible. I could see so clearly how they complement and support each other as works of scripture and testaments of our Saviour, Jesus Christ, and his teachings to all people. I felt His and our Heavenly Father's love working in my life. I felt a return of the Holy Spirit. My heart began to fill with true joy and peace. The void, the chasm was filled with God's light and love; So much so, it was over flowing and I felt compelled to share it with others and chose to serve a full time mission.

Sure I have struggled with trials and temptations since that period of conversion but there is nothing the world has to offer that can even compare to the greatness of God's approval and comfort. I know God lives. He loves me. He loves you. We are His beloved children. He wants to fill our lives and hearts with His love and guidance. All we need do is turn to Him.

It can all start with:

"I Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days."

-The First Book of Nephi : Chapter One-Verse One, The Book of Mormon

Wong Lives!

I love my husband's blog. He is witty and articulate. He tends to share more of himself in writing than he does in person. I miss his blog so much. He has put it on hold for a while. It was getting to be too much with school work and his job and home stuff. I hope he goes back to writing again sooner than later. If you haven't read his brilliance yet, check it out at:

http://wonglives.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!

Easter Weekend

I am grateful for a Savior and a time to celebrate his life works and the Atonement. Then there are the more secular celebrations with baskets full of candy and hunting for festive colored eggs. We have been struggling financially for several months now but this past month has been the most difficult. I was feeling kind of sorry for myself/us, so I posted a silly status on my facebook page,

"The Easter Bunny has made cut-backs this year. He won't be making it to our house. Maybe next year. *sigh*"

I didn't really give much thought to what kind of response I would get when I posted it. Then throughout the weekend four loving Easter bunnies came by with baskets of gifts and goodies for our daughter. One even came with a very large (laundry size) basket filled with groceries for a holiday dinner. We couldn't afford anything special for our holiday dinner and I had planned something simple like pasta. We were also extended an invitation to an Easter egg hunt.

How touched I am by the kindness of others we have been blessed with. I was brought to weepy tears of gratitude for them and to my Heavenly Father for sending these angels among us. I was quite humbled.

If one of these angels are reading this, Thank You much for renewing my hope and filling my heart with greater love.

Day 30

- your favorite song:

I don't have a favorite song. I just love music.

Day 29

- in this past month, what have you learned:

I have learned that I like the idea of writing more than actually doing it.

Day 28

picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?:

I didn't have a picture of myself from last April or this April. Last March I had very long hair and had nearly 14 inches cut off and donated to Locks for Love. Within a year my hair has grown quite a bit. Hoping by next year to have it really long again and then I will leave it that way for a while. The picture of me in red is from 2010 and the purple shirt is from 2011. How I have changed? Not much. I am still running a daycare and living life pretty much the same. I wouldn't say I am in a rut, just livin life. I do have a few new fine lines on my face but that just comes with age.

Day 27

why are you doing this 30 day challenge:

Why not?

Day 26

what do you think about your friends:

That they don't visit often enough.

I love my friends near and far. To be fair, I don't visit them much either. Having jobs and families and various other responsibilities (and long distances from some) keeps us from spending time together. I understand all that but I would still love to hang out more often. Se la vie.

Day 25

what I would find in your bag:

Hmmm, likely a bunch of junk.

Well, I dumped it all out and arranged it for you. Of course there were Joann Fabric adds and coupons; Gum, lots of gum; Hawaiian punch singles to add to bottled water (mmm); a small first aid kit; the program from Grandma Strong's funeral; old shopping lists; then the various other items that naturally occur in most bags and way too many old receipts. There you have it. I bet it could all fit in a smaller purse. Time to go shopping.

Day 24

a letter to your parents:

Dear Mom,

Thank you for teaching me how to have an open mind and heart; thank you for opening the door and accepting missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints into our home and raising us with the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thank you for being enough of a mother that I didn't even care that we lacked a father in our home. Thank you for instilling in me a love of reading and good literature. Thank you for setting a good example by attending college even though it was difficult to be a single mother without a car and other luxuries. Thank you for teaching me the importance of family. I am grateful to have grown up with a grandmother and great-grandmother so intimately part of our lives. I don't know of any other teen that had to share a bedroom with a great-grandparent. I miss those days. There were days I had, at first, resented moving but now appreciate and am grateful you moved us away from Los Angeles to a lush land and slower paced small town of Arcata. Although we couldn't afford to travel, thank you for taking us around the world through our little kitchen by, in your words, 'educating our palettes.'

You may not have been a perfect mother and made many mistakes, but you were a good mother and I will always love you.

Much love, Amanda

Day 23

something you crave for a lot:

Enough money so I can breathe easy...and a second bathroom (I know I have mentioned the latter before but it would really be nice).

Day 22

what makes you different from everyone else:

To quote my mother, "Amanda, you whistle beautifully."

Day 21

a picture of something that makes you happy:

Sew much fun!

Day 20

someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future:

Need I say more?

Day 19

nicknames you have and why you have them:

Mandy; Manda Panda; Manda; Sweetie; Honey; Sweetheart; Mom; Mommy; Mama

The first three are from childhood; the next three are from my husband; the last three are from my child.

Day 18

plans/dreams/goals you have:

-have another baby or two

-continue to support Jason through his college years

-move into a larger home (oh how I dream of having a second bathroom *sigh*)

-visit Hawaii and various other states and countries

-live behind the Redwood curtain again (I miss cool weather and year-round greenery)

-continue to raise children in righteousness that they may have a love of the Lord and all of God's children no matter what choices others make

-continue to grow in sewing skills and share this knowledge with whomever wants to learn

-always be open to love

Day 17

-someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why:

Hmmm....I have good days and bad like everyone else but I like being me. Perhaps trade places with my 18 year old self on graduation night and change a choice I made.

Day16

-Another Picture of Yourself

Day 15

- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play:

I don't have an ipod...I have a Zune.

1. Sittin on the Dock of the Bay -Michael Bolton

2. Families Can Be Together Forever -LDS Hymn

3. Me Va, Me Va -Julio Iglesias

4. I Can't Go for That -Hall and Oates

5. You Don't Bring Me Flowers -Barbara Streisand

6. Endless Summer Nights -Richard Marx

7. Learning to Live Again -Garth Brooks

8. If Love is Out of the Question -Celine Dion

9. Hard Habit to Break -Chicago

10. Give Said the Little Stream -Brett Raymond

Day 14

- a picture of you and your family:

I need more current photos.

Day 12

- how you found out about blogger and why you have one:

Hmmm, I don't remember how I found out about blogger. I do know I have friends who wrote using blogger way before I got into it.

I used to be a fair writer but stopped. Life got in the way and my writing went by the wayside. I missed writing as an outlet and blogging seemed to be a fun way to get back into it.

Day 11

- another picture of you and your friends:

I need to spend more time with my friends...and bring a camera!

Day 10

- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad:

Long ago, pre-marriage, pre-motherhood, I had music I listened to suit my mood. Now it's mainly music geared towards children and the radio on in the car.

Day 9

Something I'm proud of in the last few days....

Not yelling at the kids. Sometimes watching so many little ones can be a bit stressful. When I first started daycare I would give in and yell at them to 'knock it off' and such. Nothing too awful but I really hated myself for raising my voice. I think it's wrong and shouldn't be done and yet I would do it. Not yelling is a goal I have been working on for a while now and with time and practice, have been improving. I have also been reading a lot about 'good practices' for discipline and taking classes about child development particularly concerning the ages 18mos to 5 years. I know this increase of knowledge has helped a great deal. For nearly a month I have refrained from yelling at the daycare children. It's been pretty great. Sure they still get a bit crazy but I am handling it better...and if needed, I take a time out in another room for myself, take a few deep breaths and then go back to talk to them about their behavior. I've also noticed an increase of my tolerance and patience with them. The kids and I are liking the new me.

Day 8

Short Term Goals for this month and why:

Survive. Why, because life throws a lot of curve balls and I just gotta catch 'em and survive.

Day 7

Someone that has had a great impact on my life:

Joseph Smith Jr.

Day 6

My favorite superhero:

The first time I saw him- I was a young child and instantly fell in love....I still am. I miss him.

Day 5

A picture of somewhere I've been...

June 2010 we were able to travel to Las Vegas to attend my brother Eric's wedding. We got to stay at my cousin Margaret's house. This is a photo of My 'Aunt' Margaret's dining area. I loved staying at her place. She is awesome!

Day 4

A habit I wish I didn't have...

I am terrible with money. I wish I was better at saving my pennies; not such an impulsive shopper. I love to shop. I am torn within.

Day 3

Sadly, I rarely get together with all my friends and evenly more rarely have my photo taken with them. I am usually the one taking the pictures, not in them. These are kind of old.

Wedding photo of my best friend and I ;)

None of these photos are current (most are from my teen years) but I think they still count because I am still in touch with nearly everyone.

Day 2

Well, I am a procrastinator. The secret is out.

Day 2's challenge is the meaning behind my blog's name.

There's not much to it. Our surname is Strong and we are a family.

Hence, A Strong Family. It's a nice play on words.

Day 1

Photo taken 27 Feb 2011

15 interesting things about myself:

1. I'd rather eat cereal for dinner than cook something for a picky eater.

2. I love being on an airplane.

3. I've been to Mexico twice but never went sight seeing (went to visit family).

4. I chose not to finish college because I got sick of doing so much homework.

5. I love to be creative -sewing, making jewelry, knitting, crocheting, doing calligraphy...

6. I enjoy organizing other people's stuff. If I walk into disarray - the whole time I am there I am dying to pick up and organize. I am not disgusted by their messes, I just like organizing.

7. I hate cleaning the tub and the toilet (anywhere).

8. I had to start wearing glasses in the 6th grade.

9. I think I am boring and am baffled when others think I am not.

10. I never took a class but I enjoy taking photographs.

11. I don't like to scrapbook.

12. I recently lost my engagement ring.

13. My most favorite thing to do is be a mother.

14. I hate to sweat.

15. Redwoods are my favorite trees.

I took a survey and to find out what my friends thought was interesting about me and here's what some of them said:

Dawn-my love of baking baffles her

Josh and Glenda-no matter where a camera is, if it's taking a picture, I know where to look

Melissa-my never ending patience and generosity

Shar-how well I sew

Thanks for sharing everyone. Feel free to add nice things to the list. I am a bit of a narcissist so I love to hear about me.

30 Days of Blog Challenges

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind your blog name
day 3- a picture of you and your friends
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been to
day 6- favorite super hero and why
day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why
day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
day 11- another picture of you and your friends
day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one
day 13- a letter to someone who has hurt you recently
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- another picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- nicknames you have and why you have them
day 20- someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future
day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave for a lot
day 24- a letter to your parents
day 25- what I would find in your bag
day 26- what do you think about your friends
day 27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge
day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?
day 29- in this past month, what have you learned
day 30- your favorite song

Tragedy

I went to the local Bernina store this morning to sign some paperwork for my new part-time teaching job there. As I was waiting in line to buy a couple of things, my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I answered a call from my twin brother. Rather than say hello he asked me where I was. I jokingly answered with a question, "Where are you?" He answered me seriously by saying he had something to tell me and wanted to know I'd be okay where I was. I said, "just tell me." He then said that our cousin Wayne had killed his sister's murderer and then shot himself. I gasped, held my breath for a few seconds, then burst into tears. I started talk/crying that I had to get off the phone and I remember saying I had to sit down. I found a chair and sobbed right there in the store in front of everyone. One lady came over and handed me a tissue and another lady came over to hold me. I turned into her shoulder and clung to her as I would my own mother. I heard my daughter ask someone what was wrong with me and someone told her, " She just received bad news." I sure did. The manager, my new boss, came over to offer comfort and said if I wanted privacy I could go into the office. She asked me not to leave while so distraught. She wanted to make sure I would get home alright. I was touched by everyone's compassion when they didn't even know why I suddenly fell apart. My 4 year old daughter came over to me and put her hand on mine. I turned to her and asked if I could have a hug. She said no. I found her answer so absurd that I snapped out of my tears and laughed. I was able to calm down after that. I gave an undetailed account of the terrible news to those around me and then told them I had to leave because I had to go to my mother's home to let her know too. Once in the car, before driving, I called my brother back to let him know I was going to mom's. He said that was good because this was not news to share over the phone if it could be helped (he lives in California).

On our way to my mom's, I explained a bit to Rachel (not about the murder) and asked her not to say anything while I was talking to her Nonna. I was afraid of how mom would take it. She and Wayne are of the same generation. My mother surprised me. Although tears were shed she didn't fall apart as I had expected and I asked why. She said she has lived long enough to have many loved ones pass away and she could take this kind of news better. After about an hour I went to get us some lunch. I fought off more tears that threatened to consume me. As the day wore on I was coping better. I know God lives and has a plan for us but death of a loved one still hurts my heart.

I am saddened by Wayne's actions and loss of life but even more by how this must affect his elderly parents that have now lost two of their children due to the original crime of Janine's disappearance and murder (she was never found). Also, how Wayne's grown two daughters have lost their father and his infant grandchild will not get to know him. Wayne and my brother had become good friends over the last decade -his heart is aching greatly too.

It is a tragedy from every angle.

My dear friend was due to have a baby a little over a week ago. He was still born at the end of October. She just posted the most beautiful and touching tribute to him on her blog. I am moved to tears. My heart is full at this time for the beautiful gospel of our Savior Jesus Christ. To know we will all be resurrected and reunited with our loved ones is such a comfort during times of loss and through out life's hardships. I am grateful for the Plan of Salvation. It is truly a gift.

http://lds.org/?lang=eng