Tragedy

I went to the local Bernina store this morning to sign some paperwork for my new part-time teaching job there. As I was waiting in line to buy a couple of things, my cell phone buzzed in my pocket. I answered a call from my twin brother. Rather than say hello he asked me where I was. I jokingly answered with a question, "Where are you?" He answered me seriously by saying he had something to tell me and wanted to know I'd be okay where I was. I said, "just tell me." He then said that our cousin Wayne had killed his sister's murderer and then shot himself. I gasped, held my breath for a few seconds, then burst into tears. I started talk/crying that I had to get off the phone and I remember saying I had to sit down. I found a chair and sobbed right there in the store in front of everyone. One lady came over and handed me a tissue and another lady came over to hold me. I turned into her shoulder and clung to her as I would my own mother. I heard my daughter ask someone what was wrong with me and someone told her, " She just received bad news." I sure did. The manager, my new boss, came over to offer comfort and said if I wanted privacy I could go into the office. She asked me not to leave while so distraught. She wanted to make sure I would get home alright. I was touched by everyone's compassion when they didn't even know why I suddenly fell apart. My 4 year old daughter came over to me and put her hand on mine. I turned to her and asked if I could have a hug. She said no. I found her answer so absurd that I snapped out of my tears and laughed. I was able to calm down after that. I gave an undetailed account of the terrible news to those around me and then told them I had to leave because I had to go to my mother's home to let her know too. Once in the car, before driving, I called my brother back to let him know I was going to mom's. He said that was good because this was not news to share over the phone if it could be helped (he lives in California).

On our way to my mom's, I explained a bit to Rachel (not about the murder) and asked her not to say anything while I was talking to her Nonna. I was afraid of how mom would take it. She and Wayne are of the same generation. My mother surprised me. Although tears were shed she didn't fall apart as I had expected and I asked why. She said she has lived long enough to have many loved ones pass away and she could take this kind of news better. After about an hour I went to get us some lunch. I fought off more tears that threatened to consume me. As the day wore on I was coping better. I know God lives and has a plan for us but death of a loved one still hurts my heart.

I am saddened by Wayne's actions and loss of life but even more by how this must affect his elderly parents that have now lost two of their children due to the original crime of Janine's disappearance and murder (she was never found). Also, how Wayne's grown two daughters have lost their father and his infant grandchild will not get to know him. Wayne and my brother had become good friends over the last decade -his heart is aching greatly too.

It is a tragedy from every angle.