I just get so tired...

Monday through Friday I am a mother hen to 5 to 6 children. I really love all the kids so much but by the time they get picked up each day I am so tired. Mentally, emotionally and physically tired. By the time Friday rolls around, I don't want anyone talking to me or touching me or asking for anything, yet, I still have a husband and a daughter and a house and pet and a mom that need looking after as well. I try eating right and getting enough rest (yeah right) and exercising but that doesn't seem to help much. I just get so tired and yet I love it. I love being a mom and having people to love and be loved by in return. I love how rewarding it is to watch all the children grow and hear them tell me they love me. The grind of life gets me down sometimes but the rewards are so much greater...thank goodness.

Fun

Sometimes I make noise (like humming, whistling, or the odd verbal comments) just to bug my husband. It's fun. When we were dating he was all politeness but after the wedding...

It's sometimes as if he is making up for being an only child by the way he teases, pokes, tickles and junk like that and it drives me absolutely bananas! I tell him I already have a brother and yet he keeps on with it. Ugh! I finally one day just hauled off and hit him the way I did my brother back in the day to give him a taste of having a sibling. He didn't like that at all. I explained why after the fact and there has been a lot less 'sibling' behavior....but once in a while he'll poke at me...and I make noise in return. Then everyone is happy. It's fun.

A Mote In My Eye

No matter how disappointed I may be in one of my friend's life choices, I have to acknowledge that no matter how I may be staring at the "mote" in my friend's eye, I have one also...just comprised of different materials.

Nap time in the daycare

I love nap time. It is usually within an hour after lunch time. The kids are tired from playing outside and sleepy with a full tummy. I have to go in the nap room to remind them that I don't mind if they don't sleep but it is a time to rest so "close your eyes and please be quiet" and after the second reminder they tend to drift off. I use that time to tidy up the kitchen and then read, or nap myself, or use the bathroom interruption free (they tend to take turns knocking to ask why I am taking so long...and it's only been a minute or that's when they all decide it's time to get into something off limits or fight each other). Then I check on the kids about every 20 minutes or so...they are so peaceful and angelic in a state of slumber. Nap time lasts anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes. Rachel is always up first. I love to snuggle each one for a couple of minutes as they drift into the living room rubbing their sleepy eyes. I love nap time.

A Testimony from my heart for my friend.

I love the fullness of the gospel. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was not always what I was into until I was about 20 years old. I had a change of heart and decided to investigate most religions including the one I was a member of and through my journey discovered my testimony. I came to realize there truly is only one church on this earth that holds ALL the keys to the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ as He intended for us to live and it was all found in the LDS church.

A couple of years ago I became friends with someone through my current job. When we met she said she was LDS. I just assumed she was active in the church. As our friendship has developed I have discovered a fun, responsible, good person and she is a good mother to her children. Which is why it saddens me to have come to realize how in-active she really is...I even wonder if she ever had a testimony. Living the gospel can bring such peace and fulfillment. I see her trying to fill her life with men that aren't good for her and personal activities like going shopping on the Sabbath or things that harm her body (like not eating healthy, drinking coffee every day, thinking "relaxing" is in a glass of wine, getting a tatoo). As if any of these things could fulfill her somehow.

I am not trying to judge and I know I am far from perfect. I am just trying to convey that my heart aches for her missing out on something so wonderful as having the gospel being an integral part of daily life and I ache all the more for her children who are missing out on it's wonder as well. I am at a loss as to how to perhaps share my testimony with her with out it coming across as self righteous or judgmental. I know she was very close to her mother, who passed away shortly before I met my friend. I want to share the Plan of Salvation and how she can live with her mother again, as a family, but her current lifestyle choices may forever prevent her from such an eternal happiness.

I have learned over the years that it is difficult to live life with an eternal perspective. I even struggle with it often which is why I don't do all that I know I should and worry if I will 'make it' to live in God's presence again but I keep trying and praying for the strength to get there. I know in my heart and mind that God lives; He hears our prayers and cares; that our mistakes are our own until we learn how to exercise the gift of repentance; that he is a forgiving Heavenly Father. I know our choices can have grave or wonderful consequences not only for ourselves but to those all around us because of the gift of agency from Heavenly Father. He gave us a Savior to give us the chance to choose goodness so we can live in His presence with our families again after this mortal life. I have had incredible experiences to prove to me these things are true beyond doubt.

I know all this to be true, which is why I worry for myself, my loved ones, and my friends -and really, worry for everyone. This testimony is why I chose to serve a mission and hope to serve again someday. This testimony is what gets me out of my pajamas on a Sunday morning when being lazy for one day of the week is so tempting but I know I need to pass on the goodness of the gospel and its importance to my daughter and future children and gives me a chance to renew my covenants made at baptism and in the temple by partaking of the sacrament.

All this is so important, more than anything else in this life, so why is it so hard to share with the ones we love most?

Children

I really love little children but sometimes they give me a headache.

Pregnancy vs Adoption

I don't have much to say....

Sometimes I yearn to be pregnant to just know what it's like with all the aches pains and joys of it all...yet, after hearing all the horror stories of childbirth, watching the pains of labor at Rachel's birth and listening and reading about all the physical problems of pregnancy...I have come to realize that my Heavenly Father know's me for the wimp that I am and has spared me -and led me to adoption. Thank you to my Heavenly Father and to the incredible women who carry those babies and a special thank you to my dear daughter's birth mother. I look forward to adopting again.